i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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