She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm always down for nudity.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize