we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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