He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
