You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
