Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
