one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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