i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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