I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
