He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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