I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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