I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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