My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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