The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
