Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
