she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
