fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
