she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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