Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
