Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The air taste purple.
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