how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
