Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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