I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
