Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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