Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
