wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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