you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
