i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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