I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize