i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
