it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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