How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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