So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
