You surviving the open bar?
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Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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