I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
