I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
