we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
