Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
