Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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