You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
