Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
