when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
