I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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