Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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