I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
