how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
