Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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