last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
