She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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