help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You dont lie about slip and slides
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
