wrigley field is MILF paradise
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
