Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
