I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
