Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
