waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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