so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
