Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
