I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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