so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
