you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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