that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
