the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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