I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
