i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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