I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
