My room smells like vodka and shame
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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