I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
