I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
