i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
