Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We smell like vodka and hangover
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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