Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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