"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
